One of the things that has struck me lately, is how I can feel incredibly lonely as a "single" yet have no desire for a relationship.
It is refreshing and wonderful to be at a point where I am so wonderfully happy with where I am in life. I am not aching to be married, not on the lookout to make any sort of connection with a guy... not some (obnoxious) princess sitting in her castle waiting to be
rescued (ew- such a crappy metaphor, rescued from what exactly?) by a prince on a white steed. (just sayin', when dude does come along? He better have more than just a pretty white horse and marriage to offer. I mean, at least a compact car and the possibility of a house, ya know?)
Just free, single and loving it. Being just me has opened up doors to figure out who I am, and where I fit in the world. I don't have to consider anyone else, or make certain choices/sacrifices that come with being in a relationship. Its wonderful and happy and empowering and liberating. Its lead me to ask hard questions, to question what I believe and, more important,
why I believe them. To look into tough times and how the church looks during those times. To see what God has to say about being a strong woman.
But, then we have that other hand. The hand that decrees, "you're nobody 'til somebody loves you". 'Cause that lyric feels sort of true. Because while I'm off being all free, like, "I ain't got no plans! People, lets do something!" Everyone else is like, "uh, sorry, my husband/wife/six kids and me have plans/are tired/on vacation" blah blah blah.
So, even though I'm totally twirling circles in an open field of choices... I have no one to join me. No best gal pal, no guy friends... (because I'm done hanging out one-on-one with dudes who have no intention in dating me) and you can only twirl around so long by yourself before it gets boring. And quiet. And... lonely.
Part of the issue is that all my best girl pals are married. (except for my best one who went and moved to the Middle East. Gosh.) But seriously, where are all the single girls nowadays? And please, ones who aren't all pining for marriage and babies and when they can quit their jobs and stay at home. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with those things. But what happened to the dreamers and doers? The creatives and adventuring souls? Why does everyone just want a relationship?! Don't you realize that you need friends too? Even once you find "the one" (whom, sorry, in my opinion, does not exist until you
choose them to be) you still need friends. You still need to be able to be your own person outside of that relationship...
So. Ugh. I don't know where this is going. Other than I've been feeling lonely over here in the huge field. (of choices) I wish I had someone to talk things through with at a moments notice. Or grab ice cream with me on a weeknight. Or just hang out without
me always being the one who makes the effort. Because I know husbands and babies and jobs and life exist, but it gets exhausting when everyone expects you to make the effort because you're single.
and that, my friends, is where I'm at. So if I admit to being lonely to you- please don't assume its because I am itchin' to get married. I just am on the lookout for some kindred spirits.
